You Are 35% Feminine, 65% Masculine

You are in touch with your masculine side. You are not overly sensitive and not easily moved. Occasionally, though, something will get through and touch your heart!

Are You Masculine or Feminine?

lol this is funny!

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOSH! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOSH! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful...CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!" The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?" The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."





Rick was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6 seconds, AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"

The next morning Rick got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Rick has been missing since Friday. Please pray for him.





Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person can't.

This is this cat.
This is is cat.
This is how cat.
This is to cat.
This is keep cat.
This is a cat.
This is retard cat.
This is busy cat.
This is for cat.
This is forty cat.
This is seconds cat.

Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top down.

lol we are so retarded!!!

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'

. 10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.

11.Only in America.....Will you go to a restraunt in seaworld and ask for bandaids and get mayonise

EVER WONDER Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff??

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

------------------ In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos:! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.) (Ok, It was supposed to be translated as " to be used for intended use only" basically what it means is don't use your food processor as a wood chipper people. lol)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

lol funny.

YOUR AGE, BY EATING OUT

Don't tell me your age; you probably would tell a falsehood anyway~but your waiter may know!

YOUR AGE BY DINER & RESTAURANT MATH

This is pretty neat.

DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST! It takes less than a minute . Work this out as you read ... Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out! This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun.

1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to go out to eat. (more than once but less than 10)

2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)

3. Add 5

4. Multiply it by 50

5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1757 .... If you haven't, add 1756.

6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.

You should have a three digit number

The first digit of this was your original number (I.e., how! Many times you want to go out to restaurants in a week.)

The next two numbers are

YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it is!!!!!)

*me singing*
laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa laaaaaaaaaaaaaaa laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa laaaaaaaaaaaa laaaaaaaaaaaaaa laaaaaaaaaaaa laaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

I dont know how true that is.

You Are 82% Peaceful

You are the epitome of inner peace and total calm. You are grounded, emotionally mature, and very wise. While no one's life is perfect, you have a great amount of perspective on the world - and your place in it.

How Peaceful Are You?

My birthday is almost here!!

Hey everyone!! Im so excited!!!! Its almost my birthday!!!! I'll be 14 on Dec. 9!! YESSSSSSSSS!!! Well I just wanted to share my excitement with everybody else so YAY!!!
ttyl!!

I stole this from michael cause its such a great story.

After living what I felt was a "decent" life, my time on earth
came to the end.
The first thing I remember is sitting on a bench in the waiting
room of what I thought to be a court house.

The doors opened and I was instructed to come in and have a seat
by the defense table.

As I looked around I saw the "prosecutor."
He was a villainous looking gent who snarled as he stared at me.
He definitely was the most evil person I have ever seen.

I sat down and looked to my left and there sat My Attorney,
a kind and gentle looking man whose appearance seemed so familiar to
me, I felt I knew Him.
The corner door flew open and there appeared the Judge in full
flowing robes.
He commanded an awesome presence as He moved across the room I
couldn't take my eyes off of Him.
As He took His seat behind the bench, He said, "Let us begin."

The prosecutor rose and said,
"My name is Satan and I am here to show you why this man
belongs in hell."
He proceeded to tell of lies that I told, things that I stole,
and in the past when I cheated others. Satan told of other horrible
Perversions that were once in my life and the more he spoke, the
further
down in my seat I sank.

I was so embarrassed that I couldn't look at anyone, even my own
Attorney, as the Devil told of sins that even I had completely
forgotten
about.

As upset as I was at Satan for telling all these things about
me, I was equally upset at My Attorney who sat there silently not
Offering any form of defense at all.

I know I had been guilty of those things, but I had done some
good in my life - couldn't that at least equal out part of the harm
I'd
done?

Satan finished with a fury and said, "This man belongs in hell,
he is guilty of all that I have charged and there is not a person
who
can prove otherwise."

When it was His turn, My Attorney first asked if He might
approach the bench.

The Judge allowed this over the strong objection of Satan,
and beckoned Him to come forward.

As He got up and started walking, I was able to see Him in
His full splendor and majesty.

I realized why He seemed so familiar; this was Jesus
representing me, my Lord and my Savior.

He stopped at the bench and softly said to the Judge, "Hi,
Dad ," and then He turned to address the court.

"Satan was correct in saying that this man had sinned,
I won't deny any of these allegations.

And, yes, the wage of sin is death, and this man deserves to be
punished."

Jesus took a deep breath and turned to His Father with
outstretched arms and proclaimed, "However, I died on the cross so
that
this person might have eternal life and he has accepted Me as his Savior, so he is Mine."

My Lord continued with, "His name is written in the Book of Life,
and no one can snatch him from Me.

Satan still does not understand yet.
This man is not to be given justice, but rather mercy."

As Jesus sat down,

He quietly paused, looked at His Father and said,
"There is nothing else that needs to be done."

"I've done it all."

The Judge lifted His mighty hand and slammed the gavel down.
The following words bellowed from His lips...

"This man is free."

The penalty for him has already been paid in full.




"Case Dismissed."




As my Lord led me away, I could hear Satan ranting and raving,
"I won't give up; I will win the next one." I asked Jesus as He gave
me
my instructions where to go next, "Have you ever lost a case?"




Christ lovingly smiled and said,




"Everyone that has come to Me and asked Me to represent them
has received the same verdict as you,




~Paid In Full~






"Stop telling God how big your storm is.
Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!"

cool

You Are Adventurous... Sometimes

You like an adrenaline rush as much as the next person. You like your thrills in small doses. You're generally pretty calm and level headed. But sometimes you have to go wild and have a crazy adventure.

Are You a Thrill Seeker?

lol

You Would Choose Love

Money may buy a little happiness, but not the happiness of true love.You rather have a true soulmate than a private jet.And while many people may claim they would choose love too...You're one of the few who would really do it.

Would'>http://www.blogthings.com/wouldyouchooseloveormoneyquiz/">Would You Choose Love or Money?

hehe

hey everybody! i have nothing to post about so im just gonna ramble! blah blah blah... anyway catch yall later!

everybody pray 4 me plz! I am so sick! i'm at the library right now and im about to puke!! so plz as soon as you see this pray 4 me. thx

lol this is funny! you guys don't even know what this sai. till i translate it of course! I don't even know why im doing thisi guess just cause i can!!

lol this is funny! you guys don't even know what this sais. till I translate it of course! I don't even know why im doing this i guess just cause i can!!

see the little spider?? can you guess what it meens? !









It meens !

!!!

Hows my new backround?? I thought it was so cool! I just found out how to do it so, yay me!!

yum!

You Are a Banana Split

Fruity, flavorful, and diverse. Who can beat a true superstar?

What Kind of Sundae Are You?

That makes me feel good!

Your Power Level is: 81%

You have all the tools you need to be a success - both professionally and personally. You'll probably go beyond reaching your goals. You'll change the world (at least a little).

How Powerful Are You?

another one!!

You Are an Afternoon Person

You can find energy any time of the day ... or night! You prefer to be out and about when most other people are. Very early mornings or very late nights aren't really your thing. You're practically solar powered, and the afternoon is when do best.

Are You a Morning Person or Night Person?

this is pretty fun!

You Are 72% Good

You are a good person. You do the best you can to be ethical, fair, and moral. And as you know, being a good person means making hard decisions... and following them through. If you're confronted with an ethical dilemma, you will usually do the right thing. Of course you do slip up. No one's perfect. But you do your best to correct your missteps. You are also probably: incredibly honest, especially with yourself Right now you are on track to being: A respected leader To be a better person: Be kind to someone who is not very kind to you

How Good Are You?

now im just doin what michael did!

You Are 80% Happy

You are a very happy person. Generally, you feel content and that all is right with the world. Occasionally, you have a down day - but you have the ability to pick yourself right back up.

How Happy Are You?

lol

You Are a Kinetic Learner

You learn best by doing, and you have a talent for complicated, physical tasks. You excel at athletics, drama, and fixing things. You would be an excellent Olympic athlete - or a Broadway star!

What's Your Learning Style?

cool

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have high extroversion.You are outgoing and engaging, with both strangers and friends.You truly enjoy being with people and bring energy into any situation.Enthusiastic and fun, you're the first to say "let's go!" Conscientiousness: You have medium conscientiousness.You're generally good at balancing work and play.When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done.But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it. Agreeableness: You have high agreeableness.You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly.Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone.You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance. Neuroticism: You have low neuroticism.You are very emotionally stable and mentally together.Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly.Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is high.In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas.You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits.A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

today

So now that i told you about yesterday (see last post) I'll tell you about today!! Today was great. wake up to a crazy house (cause we accidentally slept in!) to have to jump though the shower run down stairs scarf breakfast and run out the door screamin!! but we acctually were only a couple of minutes late for sunday school, can you beleive that?? Well after I got there i went to class then went to survace (wow i have really bad grammar) (I wonder if i spelled grammar right??) i was a singin and then i saw brad come in! yay yay!!!!! I looked over at morgan and shes like YAY YAY!! and that was great to have him there. he was just a smilin and a wavin!!! anywho I got to work in cc (childrens church) today! Man those kids are hilarius!! So after they had there devotion they had craft and me and Michael stephens got to do craft to!!! yay us!! (the perks of workin in cc, we get to do the crafts with them!) so it was a math thing right and me and michael deicded to race to see who could complete it first!! Well lets just say i lost, miserably. well after that of corse we had to test eachothers math skills so were givin eachother math problems, you know throw some allgebra at eachother!! lol we didn't have much time to do it tho considering church was over. anyway after we left we went to fazollis. then we took a pit stop at the house than my mom and dad dropped me and michael off at the library. (thats how im on the computer!!) any way well iv told you everything leading up to the very moment of my time so i guess ill catch ya later! bye!

post

Hey everybody! Well this post is for sis. Tammy! I was outside today and she told me that i had better post today so i guess I am. First ill tell you y i havent been posting. you see my computer has not been on for like a week. *sad face* So first ill tell you what i did yesterday. My dad has been workin so hard on the house lately right?? so yesterday (saturday) he had a day off. so he decided he wanted us all to go fishin!! so we go out to the lake and everybodys fishin, except for my mom cause she hates fish, and i didn't feel like fishin cause the place we went is not the best place to catch fish. so nobody caught anything so we went home ate lunch and tyler and michael wanted to stay home so they stayed home with my mom. so the rest of us went out to a different place to fish. and the place we went, i had never been there before, was this beautiful little lake so i decided to fish. so about 2 minutes into it autumn starts screamin and pulls a fish out of the water! I hadn't even started fishin yet!! so i get started fishin then finnaly i catch 1 then we all go over to the other side and i could see, acctually see with my eyes, the fish swimmin around so i start surface fishin (surface fishin is were you are on a dock thats out into the water and you just drop the line straight down.) and so i catch another one and by then my dad wants a go at it. (cept that he had left his in the van) so i let him use the one i had. so he starts fishin and then julia catches 1! and i still want to fish right? so i get the roll of line, tie a hook to it, put a worm on it and start fishin!! WITHOUT A POLE!!! then my dad catches 1 (the biggest one all day!!) then i catch one (withour a pole!!!) and then we have to leave cause its getting dark. we must have been there for about 5 and a half hours. so thats how yesterday went!! Read the next post and ill acctually tell ya about today!

remodeling

soooooo i missed church today. We are remodeling our house!! I came home from IYC and all the suden my room wasnt my room anymore!!! So I have been slaving all week to do all this stuff! lol jk I love to paint tho!! so thats what i'v been doin all week! Paint the border, paint my room, paint the bathroom, paint the other bathroom, and paint the third bathroom!!! but of course you can't paint the bathroom unless you sand the walls, take everything out, (witch meens the washer and dryer are in the living room!!) and also we had to take out the toilet!!!! so now we have a toilet in the shower!!! and only 1 bathroom!! well my moms getting on to me to get off so i can go do some more work. *scrunches face up* O well!!

oooooo awwwwwwww!!

Well since my life is so boring and theres nothing to wright about i decided i would just have fun changing the colors!! lol! so you guys can look forward to at least some changes on my blog!!

YAY!!!

YAY!! so sister kim called my mom tuesday and asked my mom if i would like to go to IYC!!!! cause kimberly couldnt go. i was at the library wen she called so wen i got home my mom told me and wedness day i told sister Kim i would love to come!!!! So now me and Michael are goin to IYC together!!!!! yay us!!!! My mom is dropping me off at sister Kim's house wedness day!!! and ill be back sunday at the morning service!!

hey!

Hey everyone!! Michael is at my house!! yay!! bekka was right and here he is!! right now me and michael are at the library!! yay!! and they have computers!! yay!! And guess what!! were on the computers, at the library!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!YAY!!!!!! joy to the world!!! any way i guess ill get off so i can play a game or something!!! yay!!! bye bye!!

tuesday

SOOOO SOOOOO tired!!!! I had to go work at the zoo today. so i am like soooo wiped out!! It was pretty fun tho!! lol and i got a piece of strawberry cheese cake!!! sooooo yummy!!!! everything is really soooooooo today. lol! im crazzy!!

oops!

lol i so didn't meen to do that twice!! lol oh well we all make mistakes!

VBS

VBS was so fun tonight!!! and we still have 4 days left!!! This week is gona be a blast!!

VBS

VBS was so fun tonight! and we still have 4 days left!!! this week is gona be a blast!!

yo!

Hey everbody!! well this seems like fun!! Ummmm don't no wat else to write except... HEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!